When You're Too Tired to Run, Pretend There's a Tsunami Behind You!

So just finished the Canyonlands Half Marathon (13.1 miles) and feeling pretty good! Jen's off hiking, and I'm sitting in the hotel room drinking my victory beer.

So how was the run? I wouldn't call any half-marathon I've done fun (especially the last third), but this one was relatively painless as they go. My big injury was some chafing on my cleavage (I was carrying an emergency goo in my sports bra -- bad idea).

We were assured the very worst mile on the whole course would be Mile 9 -- huge, steep hill and all that. As you can read in the post below, 9 was the mile I dedicated Japan/Libya, so I decided that while I was running up the monster hill, I would pretend I was running from the tsunami -- and that I was chasing the 83 year-old grandma on her bike (see video for details).

I have been thinking about that Japanese lady a lot this week. Every time I watch the video above, it made me cry. This lady is such an inspiration to me. I should have given her her own a mile!

But when I got to killer hill (could see all he people going up), there was Coach Jen from TNT, and we just started talking, and suddenly she says, "Hey! Good Job! We're at the top!" And my response was something like, "Don't f### with me." (I know, not great language, but if you've ever run 13 miles, you'll understand).

And she says, no! It's a huge downhill from here. And just then, we started to hear this drumming -- there was a native American drum group way, way down at the bottom of the valley. So for the next mile, it was all downhill, and getting drummed along, which was a huge pick-me-up.

But then when we got into town, it was all uphill again, and I was getting a little tired. So I pretended I was chasing the tsunami lady, and then I pretended I *was* the tsunami lady. Because by that time, I was feeling about 80 years old. Or older!

So long story short, finished (about) 2:16:45 and that's 5 minutes off my previous personal best. Thanks again (I can't say it enough) to all who supported the run -- friends, family, donors, TNT team, Jen Nauck (who gave up half a day in Moab to cheer me on -- and brought me beer at the finish. This is Utah, so we had to hide behind the car and pour it into metal bottles. V. naughty =)

Time to Run! And I've dedicated each mile to a hero of mine ...

So I can't believe the Canyonlands Half Marathon will be FINISHED in less than 48 hours! It's been such an adventure running in strange new places, running backwards in the freezing wind, doing speed workouts in the graveyard ... best of all, it's helped me reconnect with some wonderful people and meet some new ones through my wonderful and very dedicated TNT team!

So to keep me running during the race, I'm dedicating each mile to a hero of mine -- someone who has inspired me personally or supported me during this training season. It's also a trick I use to keep my butt moving, I wouldn't want to let any of you down by dropping out during your mile!

Mile 1 - To Jennifer Gessner, someone I haven't seen in person since high school who made the very first donation in honor of her friend Marti, who has been kicking lymphoma's ass for many years.

Mile 2 - To my aunt Patty Ryan Miller, who chased down donations from practically everyone she knew!

Mile 3 - To Kelly Kotary and Phil Haynes who donated generously to the cause even in the midst of starting their own businesses, remodeling a house and other financial craziness.

Mile 4 - To Valerie Keller, my patient, positive and encouraging roommate who has never complained that our house has been filled with stinky running clothes for four months straight.

Mile 5 - To the Hulses (Rob, Holly, Austin, Jason and Chelsea) who were hands down my biggest donors this season. They are an awesome family I met while working in Shanghai.

Mile 6 - Jen Nauck, my friend who will be accompanying me to Canyonlands on her birthday! Just having her watch is making the whole experience so much more gratifying.

Mile 7 - Kim Herzog, my friend in Cleveland whose grandma has lymphoma.

Mile 8 - My only Fort Collins teammate at Canyonlands, Donna McGovern. It's her first half marathon, and when she started training, she had just finished chemo for Hodgkin's Disease. She also just found out she's the biggest fundraiser in Colorado TNT this season.

Mile 9 - The people of Japan and Libya who are dealing courageously with respective disasters.

Mile 10 - To my TNT Fort Collins teammates, and especially to coach Jen, mentor Mary and team captains Johanna and Kristina who put so much time in for all of us.

Mile 11 - To our team heroes Kim and Annabel. Kim is a leukemia survivor who was diagnosed while pregnant with her daughter. They're both doing great!

Mile 12 - To my Dad, Greg Maurer, who is now walking on the treadmill at rehab doing his own brand of training. It probably feels like he's running a half-marathon some days.

Mile 13 - To my Mom, Kathie Maurer, who is a 10 year survivor of lymphoma in 2011 and inspires me every day. I was thinking of you on all those long, freezing, unbearable runs, mom! You just never quit, so I couldn't either.

I wish I had more miles to give away, because I could go on and on! So many people contributed and altogether we've raised about $2,500 for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society and donations are still coming in. Thanks to everyone who contributed. You'll all be with me out there running in the desert!

By the way, for all those who want to send their good vibes, the race starts at 10:00 a.m. US mountain standard time on Saturday, March 19. If you want to send extra vibes during your mile, I'm going at about at 10:15 - 10:30 pace.

Okay, I'm off to tattoo all your names on my arm (in Sharpie marker) so I can remember who's when!

The double-edged sword of PMS

Okay, so just returned from two weeks of fun and adventure in Palm Springs with lots of stories to tell, but since I have raging PMS right now, I'm gonna write about that instead.

I've never been a PMS apologist who claims it doesn't exist and gives anyone crass enough to mention it the hairy eyeball. Frankly, I couldn't hide my PMS if I tried.

Anyone who knows me more than casually knows how my hormones can hijack me faster than a 747 over Libyan airspace.

Back in college (when Beavis and Butthead was all the rage), I used to pull my T-shirt over my head and chase my friend Rachel around our dorm shouting, "I am the great Hormonio!"

(Remember that Beavis? I call her Beavis. Still. She calls me Beavis too).

Anyhow, last night was kind of a typical PMS night for me. I was a cranky, bitchy wreck of a human being. Valerie, be glad you weren't home!

I went to Wal-Mart to get some groceries. I had just run a bunch of mile repeats and was STARVING! The only thing I wanted was Morning Star brand Buffalo Wings (my grown up PMS food).

When I got home, I realized that I had somehow left the bag with both my buff wings and my garden burgers at Wal-Mart. So being both PMSsy and also hangry, I proceeded to have a massive meltdown.

It didn't help that when I opened the back of the Honda (still crowded with all my unpacked vacation crap), my case of Pabst Blue Ribbon came sliding out and landed on my toes.

Then I saw a box of Jen's hand-blown glass bees ($80 a pop) teetering on the verge of crashing to the pavement. Fortunately I caught it before it fell, but it only made me even more strung out.

I began to tear the car apart in search of the missing wings and burgers. When I didn't find them, I swear to you, I started cursing inanimate objects. I was like, bleep you Honda! Bleep you garden burgers! Bleep you, Wal-Mart!

Fortunately, my next-door neighbor was in Wyoming, so he didn't call the cops. But that was a pretty typical PMS evening for me.

But you know what? PMS can cut both ways. And on vacation just a few days ago, it actually worked in my favor for once.

It happened when Jen and I went to the "Amazing Animal Show" (or similar ridiculous spectacle) at The Living Desert in California. The retired volunteers at the park assured us it was a must see.

I said to Jen, "The second an animal dances, I'm outta here."

She said, "Let's sit over there by the exit." We weren't so optimistic, see.

At the start of the show, the trainer held up her glove and out of nowhere, this beautiful great-horned owl came flapping over the audience and landed on her arm. There were lots of oohs and ahs.

"Ladies and gentlemen," said the trainer. "I'd like you to meet ... Boob-o."

At the mention of this name, some synapse in my brain misfired on apocalyptic scale. I looked at Jen and said, in my best Butthead voice, "His name is Boob ..." And then I was laughing about as hard as I've ever laughed in my life.

Laughing loudly and obnoxiously and doubling over in spasms and gasping for breath. Laughing so hard tears started pouring down my face. Laughing harder than I've ever laughed at anything that was actually funny.

"Oh god," I sobbed and laughed. "Do you have a Kleenex, Jen?"

All I could picture was the trainer stopping the show to scold me for my interruption. Which made me laugh even harder.

Or getting escorted out by security, or the medical team. Which was pretty funny too.

It took me about five minutes to compose myself. But throughout the show (in which I'm happy to say no animals danced), periodic snorts of obnoxious laughter erupted from my nose.

So what set me off? I'm 99 percent sure it was PMS. It was the same overwhelming tidal wave of emotion that hits me when I'm watching the news at that time of the month and suddenly I'm crying over a dog stuck in a cave or a kid giving his allowance to the homeless.

But for once, instead of irritability, the emotion was pure, unbridled mirth. Delight. Lightness. Joy. Because for a just a minute, that poor owl's name was the funniest thing in the multiverse.

I wish I had more months like that.

POSTSCRIPT:

Okay, I realize the owl's name was actually probably spelled Bubo (though Boob-o, complete with hyphen, was the spelling that popped into my head). So when I went home and googled Bubo, this was the first link I got:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bubo

Seriously, this poor owl can't win.

A moving birthday guest post from my mom!

What a treat! My mom agreed to write a guest post on her personal experience with lymphoma, and right on my birthday too! Read, enjoy, laugh, cry and if you feel moved to make a personal donation to blood cancer research, just click right here. - SM

When I heard the words “you have cancer,” I reacted just like everyone else hearing the diagnosis. This can’t be true. What am I going to do? I was terrified. Then a thought entered my mind: What about Sarah?

At the time, Sarah was a young adult living on her own for a number of years. Out of nowhere these words came to me, “Sarah isn’t ready yet,” and I knew exactly what those words meant. Sarah is not ready to live without her mother. She still needed my support on her way to becoming the woman she is destined to be. She was so close to being there, but just not quite done.

This kind of makes her sound like a cake baking in the oven. Our children are like that. They bake for an allotted amount of time and eventually the timer goes off. They are done and come out light, springy and eager to get on with life. At the time of my diagnosis, Sarah was not quite done yet, and I knew I was going to dig deep and fight for more time.

I was blessed. My lymphoma responded well to chemo and monoclonal antibodies. I was given the time I needed. Sarah is out of the oven now and an extraordinary young woman.

I thank the medical community everyday for giving me those years and all the years to come with my daughter. The research done with the money raised is a gift beyond measure. It gives survivors time to spend with the people we cherish most.

Thank you to everyone supporting Sarah’s Canyonlands Half Marathon to raise money for blood cancers! Sarah is blessed with so many extraordinary friends. Thanks to all of you for being there with her on her journey.

Yours truly,

Kathie Maurer

All I want for my birthday (besides James Franco in a red ribbon)

Sarah's TNT Donation Page (Insta-link for those with short attention spans)

My mom wrote last week to ask what I want for birthday (December 5th). When I read her email, here's the picture that came immediately to mind:

What's that? It's the three-fourths of my Bangkok shipment that has never been unpacked! Yup, it's gathering dust in the basement because there's no room for all my junk in the tiny house I share with a roommate.

Frankly, the idea of adding any more material possessions to the mix over the upcoming holidays makes my head explode. In fact, I'm contemplating a serious trip to Goodwill to thin out my stuff.

The good news: there's an awesome birthday (and Christmas!) present you can give that will not only put a smile on my face, but will go to help a great cause -- a donation to The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society.

As many of you know, I'm running the Canyonlands Half Marathon on March 19, 2011 to honor my mom, who is a 10-year survivor of lymphoma (see post below for more details). Your gift will help me reach my goal of raising $4500 for blood cancer research and programs.

Yesterday I told a friend of mine (someone who just loves giving presents) that I only wanted a donation for my birthday. "But that's kind of boring!" she said. "Can't I get you something fun?"

My reply -- there's nothing better you could give me! Because of advances in blood cancer research and treatment made possible by donations like yours, I have the greatest thing in the world -- my mom!

I truly believe that when you donate to The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society, you're helping give someone back a mom, a dad, a child, a brother, sister, friend or partner. In fact, seventy-six cents of every dollar you donate goes directly to research or patient programs.

Do you know someone whose life has been touched by blood cancer? Instead of a tie or another kitchen gadget, consider making a donation to The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society in their honor. That's a heartwarming gift that shows how much you care.

To sum up my plea: Instead of adding to the overflow of stuff at the Maurer-Keller house, please consider clicking here and making a donation to The Leukemia Lymphoma Society.

There's a $25 minimum to donate online with a credit card. If you'd like to make a smaller donation (and every single dollar is appreciated!), or if you simply prefer to donate by check, write your check to "The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society" and mail it to:

Sarah Maurer

(Email me for Address)

To ensure I meet my fundraising deadlines, please donate TODAY. No need to wait til Christmas.

So now you can cross one gift off your holiday shopping list. Unless, of course, you can catch and deliver James Franco to my doorstep. (Run James! Run far. Run fast =)

Let's Fight Blood Cancer Together

My mom and me, three years after she was diagnosed with lymphoma

To skip this deathless prose and proceed directly to my Leukemia & Lymphoma Society donations page, click here =)

Dear Friends and Family,

I'm writing to invite you to join a cause close to my heart -- the fight against leukemia, lymphoma and other blood cancers. As you may know, my mom Kathie was diagnosed with lymphoma in 2001. Though her cancer was quite advanced at diagnosis, she is alive today because of an amazing treatment called monoclonal antibodies. She's now been in remission for almost 10 years, and I swear she's healthier than I am!

As late as the 1950s, blood cancer was 100 percent fatal. Today, 89 percent of children with leukemia and 96 percent of people with Hodgkin's disease will live, thanks to research funded by organizations like The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society.

Like me, you've probably experienced a friend's or loved one's cancer. Did you know that when you help to fund blood cancer research, all cancer patients benefit? Research sponsored by The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society has been the catalyst for the effective treatment of breast and lung cancer, among others.

While treatment has come a long way, nearly a million people are still battling blood cancer today. Every 10 minutes, an adult or child dies of blood cancer, and leukemia still causes more deaths to children under 20 than any other cancer.

With accelerated funding through generous donations like yours, The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society predicts that we can make all blood cancers curable by 2015.

To raise money for blood cancer research, I've pledged to run the Canyonlands Half-Marathon (13 miles in the blazing Utah desert) through a program you may have heard of -- Team In Training.

Team In Training is a fundraising program which benefits The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Each year, they train over 40,000 runners, walkers, cyclists, triathletes, hikers and snowshoers to race at events around the world. The group has excellent coaches who provide a daily training schedule, advise on gear and nutrition, organize group runs, offer track workouts and keep our motivation level up with regular communication.

In return, I have pledged to raise money to help fund research and support for blood cancer patients and their families. My goal is $4500. It's a big challenge, but not nearly as big as the challenges these patients face every day.

I've just returned from our Team In Training kick-off party in Denver, where I met our team hero, Kimberly. She was 27 years old -- and 28 weeks pregnant -- when she was diagnosed with leukemia. After a successful course of treatment at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minn., she ran her first half marathon in 2010. This season, she'll be up and training with us every Saturday morning at 7:45 a.m.

Kim was pregnant with her daughter when she was diagnosed with leukemia

I would greatly appreciate your donation to The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. Over 75 percent of your donation goes directly to research and patient programs.

As a thoughtful and heartwarming holiday gift, consider donating in the name of a friend or loved one.

There are two ways you can donate:

1. Credit card: Visit my personal Team in Training fundraising page. All donations are private, secure and 100 percent tax deductible.

2. Check: Make checks payable to The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. Mail the check with the enclosed form to Sarah Maurer at (e-mail me for address).

Please also keep in mind that many corporations have matching programs and will match any donation you provide. It's an easy way to double your contribution!

Thank you in advance for your consideration in supporting this effort. Feel free to contact me for more info, or visit The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society at lls.org.

Yours truly,

Sarah Maurer

TAX ID # 135644916

P.S.: While I will gladly accept donations through March, your early support will help me to meet my fundraising deadlines -- the first of which falls in December. So your donation TODAY will help raise even more money to fight blood cancer!

Our Fort Collins/Northern CO Team In Training